Newport, Rhode Island - Traveling around the country has introduced or reaffirmed what qualities I look for in a place to live. Having the opportunity to do so and go through this process is greatly increasing my confidence in the future final decision.
Previously on: The City Bachelor
I am a few months in with my new job working fully remotely (content editor for hospice consulting agency).
I removed (sold/donated/trashed) over half of my belongings, and moved the remaining boxes to the closet at my dad's place. No more bed, furniture, etc.
While visiting friends/family who have wanted me to visit them and/or want me to dog/house sit for them, I have guest rooms to stay in through end of January 2024, and am traveling around with the belongings that fit in my car.
Starting February 2024, I will be able to use the money that I have saved on rent to visit/test various cities for a few months and make a decision after those visits.
In Episode 1, we tracked the process to get to 15 potential cities, represented by this spreadsheet:
In Episode 2, we tracked the progress to find out which cities placed below my previous home, Asheville. Any below were eliminated:
In today's episode, we track my continued research of the final seven, eliminate two more cities, and plan in-person visits for the remaining contenders. Read on to see the process!
Hello everyone!
It's been about a month and a half since the last episode, during which I have spent a lot of time looking into the remaining seven cities (and as always, including Asheville data for comparison). Since I've already determined that these locations have a lot going for them already, and I haven't done in-person visits yet, I focused on gathering information about the extracurriculars in each location. Anything to narrow it down just a little more.
In any place I end up in, I'll be working 8am-5pm every weekday on my computer, but when I'm not working, what will I be doing? What communities will I get involved in? Who will I be spending time with?
Thankfully, a lot of the things I like to do in my free time are universal to all of these locations: Watching the Denver Broncos and Survivor on TV, reading, exercising, spending time with dogs, playing board/card games, and other general activities with friends. Each of these cities has run clubs, community sports leagues for flag football and other "common" sports, and gyms for me to work out at. But it was while looking at two of my other priorities that these cities started to better differentiate themselves: Church and Spikeball.
Finding a good church community will always be my #1 priority wherever I go. It is because of The Gathering Church that Asheville became my home for my 20s, East Main Presbyterian Church and Camp Whitman were the highlights of my college years, and before that, I was always involved in student ministry as a student myself, leading to friends that I still see at least once a year.
As for Spikeball, it certainly isn't as important because I could play it casually while focusing on other sports and running, but I really fell in love with the sport over the past few years in Asheville. It isn't as popular, and therefore I decided to look into the existing Spikeball communities in each of these cities. Note: Spikeball really wasn't too common in Asheville before I started a consistent playgroup, so I could simply replicate that success in a new city if I put in the effort.
I measured Church and Spikeball in these cities with the following metrics:
Church "Small Groups" - Some churches call them "Life Groups", "Community Groups", etc. but the principle is the same: intentionally create opportunities for people to meet up outside of the church building throughout the week. During the fall season is when churches experience the highest amount of attendance during these groups, so doing this research in October was a perfect time to see what sort of groups were being offered.
Church Student Ministry - I've been involved with student ministry my whole life, so I would look to help out in whatever role appropriate for a church's student ministry. Does the church have one?
Church Sermons - Thankfully, in the year 2023, any church that I've looked into has a podcast feed where they post their sermons. It is a great way to check out a church before visiting. I dedicated myself to listening to four sermons at each church to see how I'd like them. (Note: I did not think this was going to be as important as it turned out to be. While listening to sermons at these various churches, I realized that they gave me very valuable insight into the culture of these cities.) I rated each sermon on a scale of 1 to 5.
Spikeball App - There is a Spikeball app where players post pickup games and tournaments. When I organized the Spikeball group in Asheville, I would post it every week so new players could see to join us and grow the group. I looked at each city to see what sort of Spikeball meetups/tournaments were going on.
Spikeball Fwango Tournament - Another Spikeball app called "Fwango" (it's a Spikeball term) is common for organizing more professional tournaments. I checked the past few years for each city to see how many bigger tournaments were going on in the area.
Misc. Spikeball Community - Outside of those two apps, I googled "Richmond Spikeball", "Raleigh Spikeball", etc. to see if there were any groups on social media that post regularly.
Note: for churches, I looked at the church in the area that I would most likely check out first when I visit in-person. Obviously when I look into a new area I would check out more than one, but in this case the data is taken from looking at a local church that is part of the greater ARC Network. My confidence in the ARC Network is based off of my experience with my home church in Asheville, frequent interactions with the other ARC church in Asheville when we used to combine our student ministries 1x/month, and attending an ARC church in Charleston (Seacoast) many times when I have been down there.
Let's break down each city top to bottom based off of the previous rankings:
Charleston, SC (Seacoast - Mt. Pleasant Campus)
Small Groups - The sheer number of groups Seacoast has is impressive, and looking at the demographics breakdowns of the groups, being in my 30s next year means I am pre-approved to join the most amount of groups possible outside of being married. Overall, I gave Seacoast the highest possible grade because there would certainly be options for me.
Student Ministry - Not only does Seacoast have a student ministry, but I've been able to see it in action with my own eyes during conferences with our Asheville group. Thumbs up for them.
Sermons - Thankfully I have attended in person and witnessed four sermons already. From my memory, they alternated between fantastic and very good, so on the scale of 1-5, I'm giving Seacoast a sermon rating of 4, 5, 4, and 5.
Spikeball App - Unfortunately there were no Spikeball events posted on the app.
Fwango Tournament - Same for the bigger tournaments, nothing.
Misc. Spikeball Community - There is a Charleston Spikeball group with their own Instagram account, but unfortunately there are no recent posts and it seems to have died out.
Conclusion - It is not news to me that I would immediately get involved at Seacoast due to my previous experience while visiting. If I have to be the one to better organize Spikeball in the city, I'm more than willing to do that. Charleston again proves itself worthy of a top spot, and will ultimately come down to affordability like I've mentioned before.
Wilmington, NC (Lifepoint - Pine Valley Campus)
Small Groups - Lifepoint church really knows how to offer a fantastic selection of small groups. Not only are there a wide range of age groups that fit me, but also pickleball and beach volleyball groups. Seeing those athletic groups is an indicator of healthy church community due to providing options for people to get involved who may be more intimidated by the intimate book study or prayer group setting. While organizing the Spikeball group at my church in Asheville, I was able to witness multiple people get their feet wet with the church community leading to more involvement. Highest grade possible.
Student Ministry - Weekly meetups for the students at Lifepoint, I would no doubt apply to help out there.
Sermons - At worst they were very good, and one I even gave the highest grade. Seems like the culture in Wilmington is all about enjoying the beach and community with each other. 4, 5, 4, and 4.
Spikeball App - When I checked at some point in October, there was a tournament posted on the app, and as I'm writing this, there is scheduled pickup at the beach this weekend. All good signs here.
Fwango Tournament - None on the more serious tournament app.
Misc. Spikeball Community - I have "sporadic" written down in my notes. Seems like the local Spikeball community is a little on and off. Maybe they need someone like me to consistently organize...
Conclusion - Wilmington continues to impress and stay towards the top of the list on paper. Definitely will be scheduling an in-person visit to check it out.
Virginia Beach, VA (Palms Church)
Small Groups - Groups aren't extensive, but certainly there are a few. On par with what I experienced at my church in Asheville.
Student Ministry - Finding evidence of a student ministry was hard at first, but eventually I found it.
Sermons - This is where I realized that listening to these sermons gave me insight into the culture of the area. Yes, I was aware that Virginia Beach has a large military presence, but I guess I didn't really realize how much of a culture the military community has. It became abundantly clear that there is an unnecessary macho and think-inside-the-box culture in that area. Sure, I could find my people and be able to coexist in that environment without identifying as part of it myself (similar to coexisting next to all the hippies in Asheville), but I'm looking for a place where I'm not inherently in conflict with the culture there. Add in a pastor that's bragging about how much money he's going to make once he finishes his doctorate, and how much he loves his "super-hot" wife during his sermons, and the final grades ended with 1, 2, 2, and 3.
Spikeball App - At the time I'm writing this, there is a tournament in a few days with multiple people already RSVPed.
Fwango Tournament - There was a tournament recently, but unfortunately it was part of Spikeball's college tournament series. Good indicator though that Spikeball is prevalent in Virginia Beach.
Misc. Spikeball Community - I found social media of groups that are currently meeting on an ongoing basis.
Conclusion - Virginia Beach certainly is the best for Spikeball (so far), but now that we're down to the final seven, tough decisions have to be made. Virginia Beach has made it this far primarily due to the beach itself, but I am comfortable moving forward with two other beach options. If I were a veteran, I'd certainly have Virginia Beach at the top of the list, but the military culture doesn't do anything for me, and the fantastic Spikeball scene isn't enough to warrant an in-person visit.
Raleigh, NC (Peak City Church)
Small Groups - Peak City is one of the churches that wants to be cool by calling small groups something different. Unfortunately, their "city groups" are pretty sparse, and it seems like I would just end up in the "young adults 20s and 30s" group by default. While I was looking at churches, I saw that there are many around Raleigh, so even though this would be the first I would check out, I definitely get the feeling like I would be looking at more in the area.
Student Ministry - Easy to find on their website, meets weekly.
Sermons - Enjoyable sermons: 3, 3, 3, and 4. Note that I have a pretty high bar for sermons, so a 3 on my scale represents a good sermon, rather than "indifferent" or "neutral" on a typical 5-point Likert scale. No culture clashes identified.
Spikeball App - There is a tournament posted for this weekend. There was also a tournament in October when I first checked.
Fwango Tournament - Raleigh has a lot of colleges and therefore a lot of Spikeball. The highest level of tournaments take place in Raleigh at least 1x/year.
Misc. Spikeball Community - As expected with the tournament presence, there is ongoing weekly Spikeball that is well organized.
NHL - Wait, what? Since when is NHL a part of this? While traveling around the country, I visited Boston and attended a Bruins game in early November. It is the second NHL game I've been to this past year, and I've had a blast both times. This is for the multiple people that have told me something to the extent of: "Jeremy, you're too logical with this type of decision, go with your emotions and feel where you want to call home!" The thought of regularly attending NHL games in Raleigh has emotionally drawn me to the area.
Conclusion - I imagine I'd end up looking at some other churches in the area due to the fact that my initial reaction is to shrug my shoulders, but overall it was positive. Add in the best Spikeball community of the final seven, as well as the presence of an NHL team, and I'm happy to plan a visit to Raleigh, especially when I can double up the in-person visits due to Raleigh's close proximity to...
Durham, NC (Bright City Church)
Small Groups - Fine but not great selection of small groups. All are split between stages of life rather than having the diversity of activities. The existence of "Single Women Late 20s-30s" is inherently funny. If there's anyone from that group reading this and trying to escape, hit me up on Instagram: @JeremySGlidden
Student Ministry - Easy to find on the website (you'd think this would be an industry standard), and meets weekly on Sunday evenings.
Sermons - Durham had some good sermons, gave ratings of 3, 5, 3, and 4 with no apparent culture clashes.
Spikeball App - Nothing on the Spikeball app, but proximity to Raleigh's fantastic Spikeball community helps Durham out here.
Fwango Tournament - Tournaments in the area 1x/year, two thumbs up.
Misc. Spikeball Community - Durham compared to Raleigh is a bit more sporadic, but I still found evidence of on and off Spikeball activity in the area.
Conclusion - Durham continues to do what it needs to do to remain on the list. Throw in the fact that it is part of the greater Raleigh area, and I'll certainly be visiting to check it out. I think I'll spend a little extra time there to check out Chapel Hill area and the smaller cities/towns surrounding Raleigh (similar to living in Arden while in the Asheville area).
Richmond, VA (Lifepoint Richmond)
Small Groups - Copious amounts of groups with diverse activities and age ranges.
Student Ministry - Easy to find, ongoing weekly.
Sermons - Richmond sermons broke even for me with a 4, 2, 3, and 3. I could sense the proximity to Washington, DC during the sermons, and while I don't know exactly how to describe the culture of the DMV area, I'm somewhat familiar with it due to a lot of family living around there.
Spikeball App - Found a local tournament on the app, but no current pickup games.
Fwango Tournament - There was one in 2022, but not for 2023.
Misc. Spikeball Community - I found a group on social media that formerly posted regular meetups and updates. Didn't find anything recent so it seems like it might have died out.
Conclusion - Richmond continues to perform with solid scores all around. Biggest thing going against Richmond is my lack of familiarity with it whatsoever. Biggest thing going for Richmond is the amount of friends and family I have that advocate for it. Due to it being so close to family, I'll be able to visit the area on the way up to Maryland/DC and check it out for myself to make a more informed opinion.
Savannah, GA (The Dwelling)
Small Groups - Only 8 groups, sorted by geographical location. Not ideal.
Student Ministry - If they have one, it was too difficult for me to find.
Sermons - You know how I've been talking about how some cities have culture clashes that are evident in their sermons? I gave them a 2, 2, 3, and 4 - they grew on me a little over time, but clearly evident through each one was the fact that Savannah isn't just south, it's DEEP south. Sure, I guess that should be obvious with it being in Georgia, and I'm not inherently opposed to The South, but this was on another level.
Spikeball App - Nothin.
Fwango Tournament - Nope!
Misc. Spikeball Community - *crickets*
Conclusion - Congrats to Savannah for making it this far, but as I'm looking at anything to break a tie, Savannah loses every time. Beach? It's adjacent to one. Population size? One of the smaller cities. Distance from DC? Furthest away of all the contenders. Church? Meh. Culture? A little too much south. Spikeball? Nonexistent from what I can tell. I'll give Savannah the credit that it never finished last place in any round, but at some point, simply avoiding last isn't enough.
As always, I include Asheville stats to compare.
Next up is in-person visits to these cities. The plan is to do a longer visit for Raleigh/Durham, Wilmington, and Richmond where I actually look at various apartments and neighborhoods, check out the churches/gyms/outdoor activities and try to get the best sense of what it would be like to live there.
As for Charleston, I'll visit with family in the spring on vacation as I have multiple times before. Most likely the decision will come down to if I would prefer to be in one of the other cities with my own place, or in Charleston with the requirement to find a roommate/more income (see full breakdown in Episode 1).
If everything goes to plan, this is what the rest of this blog series is shaping out to look like:
Episode 4 - Raleigh/Durham Full Analysis
Episode 5 - Wilmington Full Analysis
Episode 6 - Richmond Full Analysis
Episode 7 - Charleston Full Analysis and Final Decision
In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the winter holiday season (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Birthday Month, Super Bowl Sunday) with family and friends. As always, if you have ANY information on the final cities, please send it my way! For example, while writing this post, my friend Jay sent me this video detailing features of Richmond. As a result, I'm going to check out the Capital Trail while I'm there! (Did you know you can rent bikes? I learned that while playing the family feud board game with my former roommates during covid.)
Thank you for your time reading, always appreciated!
Jeremy